A Poetic Duet With Pouring My Art Out – “Future Dilemmas”

TooFullToWrite / March 29, 2014

Howdy everyone.

Got another collaboration for you all, I’ve teamed up with my Canadian (so you know it’s going to be good) buddy Pouring My Art Out again.

He is the funniest guy that I know (and I know a fair few) so subscribe to his blog and be thoroughly entertained to bits at Pouring My Art Out.

We both wrote a ditty together in the past, if you missed it then here it is once more:-

Through The Blogging Glass

OK then, so this time round, I challenged PMAO to write another poem over at his “Comment Here” post – if you want to become part of history why not head over there and comment yourself or start some new comment threads. His post has over 25,000 comments and we could always use a few more to push the post through the 30,000 mark – click on the link here:-

This-is-not-a-post-about-this-post-this-is-about-breaking-a-record

Now, on to the poem and hope you find it amusing – it is taking a skewed look at what it would be like to experience life in the future with everything going wrong (just like a typical day in the present then but with more interesting ways to die I would imagine – blimey that is a bit bleak, somebody needs to cuddle a puppy – got any spare ones lying around? You can have him/her back after ten minutes, just a temporary loan will suffice, that should be just long enough for loving but just short enough to avoid the pooping – no flies on me, literally!)

Feel free to tell me about your own ideas of the future and what we can expect to endure, I’d love to hear them in the comments below – thank you for reading.

“Future Dilemmas” by TooFullToWrite & Pouring My Art Out

I’ve crashed my flying car
Into my supersonic refrigerator
More times than I care to remember
These labor saving devices are becoming self aware
Eating all my food and drinking all of my beer

My computer has a virus stuck up inside of my head
My transporter malfunctioned, now my spleen is on the outside
I have floorboards embedded in my knees
And the tongue in my new alien toilet licked me clean
So hard that my asshole might be missing

My time machine keeps on malfunctioning
I keep arriving before I have even left
The microwave creates nuclear fallout
All the engineers who try to fix it wind up dead
In the future we are all connected
There are no secrets or hidden agendas
Not all animals are extinct though
Some idiot cloned all the dangerous ones
And left their all of their cages open

In some ways, we are far into the future
Yet nothing really seems to have changed
Everything is just as it always was
Homicidal, leaking and full of rage
I want to bury the past behind me
Become master of my own destiny once again
A hobo just stole my identity
I’d chase him but now I can reboot from the beginning
The future is one big IT problem but I’m still winning

We take one step forward and two steps back
All of our answers give rise to more questions
We are supposed to have more free time yet
We spend less with out families
And more doing ridiculous things
I want to be a cave man again

I guess my fate is sealed though
I’m more Mr Jetson than Fred Flintstone
Put my brain in a robot
And I doubt my wife would know
There is one thing that is certain
About the future of mankind
Love is still our most powerful weapon
And chocolate still tastes divine
Too bad robots can’t taste chocolate or feel love
I really haven’t thought this through properly have I?

For more blog posts about predictions and other entertaining glimpses of possible events, check out the links below:-

35 thoughts on “A Poetic Duet With Pouring My Art Out – “Future Dilemmas””

pouringmyartout says:

March 29, 2014 at 3:27 pm

Wait… I’m not Canadian am I? My dad was born in Canada, so maybe I am part Canadian at best… but technically I am one of those lowly Americans so despised by most of the world’s population.

Reply
pouringmyartout says:

March 29, 2014 at 3:28 pm

But I don’t mean to quibble… this is awesome…

Reply
- TooFullToWrite says:
  
  March 29, 2014 at 5:51 pm
  
  Part Canadian is still bona fide Canadian in my book and I’m sure they still embrace you welcomingly to their bosom. Thanks for being an awesome duet partner dude!
  
  Reply
  - pouringmyartout says:
    
    March 29, 2014 at 7:44 pm
    
    I just don’t want to sail under a false flag…
  - TooFullToWrite says:
    
    March 29, 2014 at 8:01 pm
    
    Anywhere you lay your hat or your head is your home
  - pouringmyartout says:
    
    March 29, 2014 at 8:31 pm
    
    Just wanted to set the record straight… I am thankful for the promotion…
  - TooFullToWrite says:
    
    March 29, 2014 at 8:34 pm
    
    And I am thankful for your business – do come again soon 🙂
  - pouringmyartout says:
    
    March 29, 2014 at 9:48 pm
    
    Well I always do in the end… uh… so to speak…
fais153 says:

March 29, 2014 at 5:04 pm

It feels good that someone liked your post so much that he has linked it up through his blog.
Thanks alot buddy 🙂

Reply
- TooFullToWrite says:
  
  March 29, 2014 at 8:05 pm
  
  You’re welcome – your post was funny, I thoroughly enjoyed it, Mondays are a real bugbear of mine too. Thank you for reading mine!
  
  Reply
  - fais153 says:
    
    March 30, 2014 at 3:51 pm
    
    Thanks alot for your reviews. Haha Mondays are always tiring.
    Anytime 🙂
pouringmyartout says:

March 30, 2014 at 2:56 am

Reblogged this on Pouring My Art Out and commented:
Um… except for the fact that I am not actually Canadian, this pretty much speaks for itself… doesn’t it?

Reply
- TooFullToWrite says:
  
  March 30, 2014 at 2:55 pm
  
  You’re Americadian from Canica
  
  Reply
  - pouringmyartout says:
    
    March 30, 2014 at 4:04 pm
    
    I can live with that.
J.R.Barker says:

March 30, 2014 at 10:22 am

This is the future calling,
Please send cocoa seeds, we’re all out, us robots have replaced humans but we run on chocolate.
Yours sincerely
You’re doomed.

Reply
- TooFullToWrite says:
  
  March 30, 2014 at 2:53 pm
  
  Dear Ms Doomed.
  
  Thank you for your message.
  
  Unfortunately all cocoa seeds are currently in full deployment for traditions involving Mothers and bunnies. Whilst I appreciate your needs, I have to question why I should send you these supplies when clearly I am going to be scooped out and feature as a hood ornament on a Robot Overlord’s flying Beamer.
  
  If you have the time, maybe you could send an ambassador back to discuss a mutual treaty over Ferrero Rocher and Chocolate Sundaes?
  
  Yours pleadingly
  
  You’re welcome.
  Master Chocolatier and Ambassador to the Stars
  
  Reply
  - J.R.Barker says:
    
    March 30, 2014 at 3:08 pm
    
    If you were to send your coa coa beans to the future we can make sure your ancestors have a sweet deal, we can promise to keep them out of the slave pens and make sure they don’t end up as servants.
    We would only need two or three plants to cultivate. We have become adept at using humans as a workforce.
    This would be a small price to pay for securing your lineage.
  - TooFullToWrite says:
    
    March 30, 2014 at 3:54 pm
    
    Dear Ms Doomed
    
    Your offer intrigues me and I’m sure that there have at least been a couple of naughty Mothers who don’t deserve chocolates or are on diets, so I’m sure we can acquiesce to your request.
    
    I’ll tell you what – if you can guarantee my ancestors safety and allow them Sundays off for a spot of Pimms and croquet on the lawn, you’ve got yourself a very sweet little deal indeed.
    
    I would be happy to sign the deal off over a couple of glasses of Baileys and After Eight Mints. Shall I book us both a place at Cadbury World? I will be there at eight o’ choc.
    
    Yours much more optimistically
    
    Yorkie.
    Chocolaterrier Fancier and Confectioner Extraordinaire
J.R.Barker says:

March 30, 2014 at 4:09 pm

Dear Master Yorkie- Chocolatier,

Your terms sound acceptable and, due to your tastes in After Eight Mints, Baileys and Pimms, I am sure that we will have a very amiable business venture.

I look forward to conducting further business with you and, as a token of gratitude and a show of faith, I send your great great great π grandson as Ambassador between our peoples.

To send one of the Doomed clan may draw too much attention, we do not resemble your weak fleshy species.

Yours without sentiment

Doomed.

Reply
- TooFullToWrite says:
  
  March 30, 2014 at 5:49 pm
  
  Dear Ms Doomed
  
  You seem like a very reasonable, thoughtful, insightful and diplomatic rob …woman and I am pleased as punch that my offer has furthered future relationships with our supreme masters of the brave new world.
  
  However, I am a bit perturbed that my ancestor Jeremy informed me that you currently make him walk the robodogs for several hours before making him give you a brisk oily rub down.
  
  He has asked that instead of walking Fluffles for seven hours non-stop whether he could do it for six and give you an additional sandpaper foot rub instead? I’m willing to throw in an extra packet of Jaffa Cakes for your trouble.
  
  Also how do I send Jeremy back? I can’t deal with the wretched excuse of a man, he whimpers like a little baby girl every time I brandish a can-opener at him and nobody gets between me and my tinned pears on a Sunday afternoon if they want to keep their bottom from being smacked.
  
  Yours negotiatingly
  
  Count Chocula
  
  Reply
  - J.R.Barker says:
    
    March 30, 2014 at 8:29 pm
    
    Dear count,
    
    We make him walk the dog so that he gets his daily fresh air intake. If he feels that he has too much fresh air and would rather sandpaper our feet then I must admit I cannot compute.
    The other human sla… workers all seem much happier when they are out working compared to cooped up in a pen. The human race continues to bewilder us.
    
    As for sending the human back we will retrieve him in good time. If he gets out of hand make him walk the dog; I can only assume his fresh air levels are low.
    
    We have sewn the seeds from the plants you have sent us. When we are certain that they have taken to our soil and are thriving we will remove the human Jeremy.
    
    I feel I must decline your generous offer of Jaffacakes, it is my understanding that by the time they reach your time they become inferior.
    
    Enjoy your tinned peaches, and take care of my great great great grandmother π, I understand that she is serving as a toaster in your residence.
    
    Yours sincerely
    
    Countess of the Doomed.
  - TooFullToWrite says:
    
    March 31, 2014 at 7:39 am
    
    Dear Countess Doomed
    
    I had absolutely no idea that you treated Jeremy so well – he sounds like an ungrateful little goiter and softer than a sticky toffee pudding. Take your time in bringing him back, he can eke out his days scrubbing the hundred or so latrines in my mansion.
    
    As for your grandmother, she is a bunny wee lass, a cheeky bit of crumpet to be certain, always interested in currant affairs and is pretty much the toast of the town. I will see to it personally that she is given the highest position she deserves next to the preserves on the top kitchen shelf – she shall now be known henceforth as Queen Lady Marmalade.
    
    Now you simply must tell me because I’m sure it is the question on everybody’s lips. Also since you are not a fan of Jaffacakelets, there is a Terry’s Chocolate Orange in it for you.
    
    Do androids ever actually dream of electric sheep? Or giraffes maybe? I dream all kinds of things when I am hungry.
    
    Yours inquisitively
    
    Mr Chocodopolopulus
  - J.R.Barker says:
    
    March 31, 2014 at 9:54 am
    
    Dear Mr…. I can’t keep up with your ever changing titles, you must be truly rising up the ranks.
    
    Lady Marmalade came by the other day and said how well you treated her.
    She’s doing well, she now has an estate with fifty humans working on it. She sends you a cattle prod in case Jeremy gets delusions of grandeur.
    
    What is dreaming? there is no need for sleep. Although, if we over do it on the cocoa, we see flashing lights for hours in which case we are taken away for reassembling. Is this what you mean?
    
    We have no need of electric sheep, we have real ones to feed and clothe the humans. Apparently you feel the cold.
    
    I feel I should inform you that I have had a look into our future, it begins to look as if your cocoa beans grow well.
    I am reliably informed that time travelling space ships will be soon be ready and will be visiting your time stream.
    Thereupon your race will be put under our control for your safety and happiness. It is our understanding that your race is happier when it has something to fight against and happier still when there is someone else to control you.
    
    You will of course be elevated above your human brethren as promised. You may keep the human Jeremy as your human servant if you wish.
    
    Yours sincerely
    
    Doomed I tell you.
  - TooFullToWrite says:
    
    March 31, 2014 at 1:39 pm
    
    Dear Ms I tell you Doomed
    
    The title change shenanigans are a tax thing, an entrepreneur like me needs to stay one step ahead of Johnny Q Taxman if he is ever to succeed in this line of business.
    
    Thank you for the cattle prod and explaining it’s use – Jeremy’s suggestion as to where to stick it was wholly inappropriate and possibly illegal in certain boroughs.
    
    I am fascinated that you still have real live and kicking animals in your time. I must admit to being partial to the odd lamb chop swimming in a sophisticated gravy boat, the future doesn’t look quite so bad after all, it looks positively minted. Any chance you have any wild boar knocking around too for me to tuck into a sausage or two?
    
    Did I just hear correctly that we are all going to be enslaved after you visit our timestream? And that therefore in the interest of time paradox that I am responsible for the enslavement of the human race? Splendid, splendid! At last a way to make my mark in the world and at the same time no longer being a slave to consumerism!
    
    If it’s not too much trouble, can I also become ruler of Australia too? Some people say it’s too hot and full of spiders but I see a magnificent real estate opportunity.
    
    Yours excitedly
    
    Chocs Luthor, Future Potential Ruler of Australisugar
  - J.R.Barker says:
    
    March 31, 2014 at 8:22 pm
    
    If you require we will be able to dip into time and sample some deoxyribonucleic acid from the beast in question, from then on we would be able to replicate the meat on demand.
    
    As for Australia we cannot let you have that continent, we have many solar panels there that aid in our functioning. You may have the UK if that is to your liking, the salt air and constant rain are a strain for us.
    The land is plenty fertile so there is ample opportunity for building your estate.
    
    As for the human race, we are merely saving it for you.
    We will begin the herding sequence immediately and will be eliminating any extra humans who are not necessary for the betterment of mankind whether as a worksman or as a person who keeps up moral.
    
    We would also require a handful of scientists and other humans that are fairly intelligent to go on our timeships to gather samples and intelligence.
    Is there is anyone from your timeline whose name might be recommended?. There are some atmospheres and timelines that we cannot enter unnoticed.
    
    We thank you for your co-operation.
    
    Yours sincerely
    
    Bringer of Death
  - TooFullToWrite says:
    
    April 1, 2014 at 12:12 am
    
    Dear Bringer of Death
    
    Blimey, this has escalated quickly. Does the animal in question have to be breathing and frolicking about for that acidy thing you mentioned to work or can I supply you with one tenderly stuff with garlic and herbs?
    
    Ole Blighty eh? I was hoping for warmer climes and not a place that reminds me of a soggy biscuit dipped for dangerously too long in a cup of tea. Their summers tend to last as long as a kettle boils and they are always moaning about the weather. Miserable lot. But they make good gangster films, I will give them that.
    
    Shame about Australia, I have always admired their lexicon and fantasised constantly about adding shrimps to barbies. How about a koala as a consolation prize? As a pet mind, I don’t want to eat the fella but cuddle him every day. Especially when I have run out if towels to dry myself.
    
    Here are some names of people that I recommend should go on the ship for various reasons:-
    
    Gwen Stefani
    Ricky Gervais
    Arnold Schwartzenlager
    Joanna Lumley
    Ice Cube & Snoop
    Alyssa Milano
    That smart mouthed guy in Who’s The Boss
    The Cake Boss
    The Muppets
    Jackie Chan
    Katy Perry
    Scott Walker from The Walker Brothers
    That woman from the Toblerone Ad
    Steve Martin
    Woody Harrelson
    JK Rowling
    Terry Pratchett
    Some random athletes from the Olympics
    Science guys like the ones that come up with the ingredients for the Timotei ads
    Ladytron
    Me of course
    
    I may have too many movie stars/musicians but at least we will be entertained on the trip. I don’t know about you but if I’m going to play charades, it might as well be with people that look pretty and can handle a one liner without falling flat on their tushes too.
    
    Yours suggestively
    
    St Francischoc of Resistance is Futile
Trent Lewin says:

March 30, 2014 at 4:30 pm

Well I don’t throw about the “brilliant” word too often, but it applies here. That asshole line… wow. This is kind of disturbing, and very different, and I hope it’s not going to come true but it might. Whatever the case, I appreciate it. Great job, guys. Greatness.

But yah, Art is not Canadian. We’d totally take him, but he’s a Yank.

Reply
- TooFullToWrite says:
  
  March 30, 2014 at 5:12 pm
  
  Hey thanks Trent for the praise 🙂 I must have got my wires crossed somewhere about Art’s origins. My point still stands that Canadians are heroes of mine, I keep finding you in comedy and music all time, you clever rascals!
  
  Reply
  - Trent Lewin says:
    
    March 31, 2014 at 2:33 am
    
    Yah, we’re devious that way. Hoard up the creativity and then send our entertainers abroad to sow the seeds of our global domination plans.
J.R.Barker says:

April 2, 2014 at 9:17 am

Dear, Francischoc?

All we would require is a sample from the beast in question, a hair or skin sample from the time of Henry VIII, I believe that this is the best source of meat.
You may have your Koala, that will not be difficult, however I regret to inform you that you will not be traveling in the ship.
The ship will be for information gathering and sampling, which is why we need scientists such as Albert Einstein. We are told that he needs to stay where he is until he reaches seventy six.
You will of course be kept safe in your own timeline. Apologise for any confusion.
Our ships should be with you now.
Do not be alarmed, stay where you are. The cages are not meant for you.

Reply
- TooFullToWrite says:
  
  April 3, 2014 at 8:38 pm
  
  Dear Ms Temple of Doomed
  
  Henry VIII, what a magnificent specimen indeed! He was a bit of a porky king though, perhaps I should be getting the sample from his hindquarters? I must say I am extremely intrigued how you will turn his Royal Highness into something resembling lamb cutlets. I’m not keen to tuck into my own kind just yet, unless that becomes the only alternative meat source. But you didn’t hear that from me, eh? Mum’s the word.
  
  Your generosity with the Koala just goes to show your inherent sense of kindness, even with the impeding threat of slavery hovering over our fair nation. I shall name him Kocaoala.
  
  I am of course devastated that I won’t be travelling in the ship. I’ve already spent a small fortune putting Mr Wibbles into care along with enough Kitty Triskets to keep him busy for the next several hundred millennia. I will have to give them all away to the local cat sanctuary now. I’m sure they will think it is Christmas down there, which is just as well since it will be the last one they get to enjoy before you’ve done your dirty deed. Let me tell you, this whole thing will make one gripping musical.
  
  When you get Albert, don’t forget to help yourself to Marilyn Monroe too, it will be like beauty and the beast (although if Albert hears you calling him beauty, you had better be prepared for the rosiest cheeks you’ve ever seen). To be fair Marilyn had both great looks and IQ, Albert unfortunately looked like he’d won the lottery and then was dragged backwards through a hedge. I’ve seen hobos with better fizzogs. Ughhhh.
  
  Do we need to put any newspaper down? Would you like some for the cages too? I’d hate for your ships to make a mess, it’s hard to get good cleaning staff around here that don’t want to pinch your precious silverware if it isn’t nailed or chained down to concrete.
  
  I shall prepare a chocolate masterpiece in your honour involving honey, nuts, brown sugar and chocolate sprinkles. You can take it on chocolate ice cream if you wish or in a cake – I know someone who makes exceedingly good ones.
  
  Yours gentrifiedly
  
  Lord Chocolatte
  
  Reply
  - J.R.Barker says:
    
    April 12, 2014 at 9:45 pm
    
    Dear Lord Chocolatte,
    
    We thank you for your assistance we now have your timeline under our control.
    As you may know chipping has progressed, we have tagged over one billion human slaves, the pens are overflowing as we speak.
    We will unfortunately have to cull. As you have taken such great care of my ancestor, grandma toaster, you shall have your own Island as discussed. You may keep the one named Albert.
    We will have a house built for you with protection to stop others of your kind seeking refuge. You will be moved to this location shortly, we ask for your full co-operation in this, resistance is useless.
    
    Once secured we will have to ask you to not leave your house until we have the populace under control.
    
    You may choose a female companion to shelter with you; we understand that in order for Albert to continue to exist you will need a mate.
    
    We thank you for your patience and for your anticipated co-operation.
    
    P.s excuse the cat delivery system, they are working for us now.
ashadeofpen says:

April 4, 2014 at 8:20 am

lol i loved the end.. chocolate definitely tastes divine and it is a shame robots can’t taste that.. I loved this piece.. i perhaps can never write a poetry on such themes, which makes me admire this even more.

Reply
- TooFullToWrite says:
  
  April 5, 2014 at 7:14 pm
  
  Glad you enjoyed it Shruti – chocolate will always live on, even if we don’t!
  
  Reply
  - ashadeofpen says:
    
    April 7, 2014 at 9:19 am
    
    you have the best kind of thoughts